yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
