apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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