you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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