I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
