I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
