Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize