Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
