I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
