drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
