I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
