I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
