I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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