i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
