i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So many bounce houses so little time
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
