ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
