Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
