We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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