I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
