32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize