people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
