You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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