I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize