All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
