How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she pinky promised me she was 18
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
