so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
