like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
