I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
