its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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