yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
