I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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