It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
