Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
