can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
