i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
