period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
