margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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