You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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