I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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