Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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