This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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