so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
