just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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