Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
