as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
