Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
