Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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