We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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