ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
