half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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