There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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