Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
