I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
