I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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