walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone signed my nipple.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
