I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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