Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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