I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
