a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
