it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
