i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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