Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
