He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
