It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize