too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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