Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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