In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Bring me that man meat
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
