OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
