You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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