I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So squirting runs in the family.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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