i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
