One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
