If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
