he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
