please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Im part way to drunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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