why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
