It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
