If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
