i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Im part way to drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
